The suburbanization of Missouri continues, as the Parks Department will be cracking down on the “party atmosphere” on Missouri’s beautiful rivers:

On too many summer Saturdays, Missouri’s glistening, gravel-bottomed streams favored by canoeists, rafters and kayakers have been surrendered to partyers intent on making them aquatic versions of Bourbon Street. But those party animals will be playing by a new set of rules this year on the rivers under federal jurisdiction.

In all honesty, there are too many dipshits on the rivers—but there are too many everywhere. They’re banning jello shots and limiting cooler sizes. The jello-shots I assume they’re banning because the dipshits throw the emptied plastic cups into the river. My crew goes to great (and comical) lengths to retrieve any of our cups that falls overboard. Worst of all, they’re banning jumping off cliffs, which is crazy fun. It’s another familiar case of dumbasses ruining the good times for all of us. The justification for the ban on jumping off cliffs disgusts me:

Cliff diving and rope swings are banned in the park for the first time this year. “It’s extremely hazardous, plus nobody wants to dive off a cliff when there’s nobody there watching,” Poe said. “It just attracts a party atmosphere. Then somebody shows up with a stereo system playing loud music, and things just go downhill.”

Give me a fucking break.

I’ll be on the Current River in a coupla weeks—floating twice, on a largely untraveled section of the river the first day and the typical stretch the other day. Our plan was to take it easy the first day and party hard the second day, but that might have to be revisited if the nanny state will be in force on the main stretch of river.

Where is all this social over-regulation coming from? Who are these gutless sissies so intolerant of witnessing other people having a good time that they demand this sort of governmental intervention?

Amendment: It looks like I was over-harsh on the Parks people in Missouri in this here post and that things have gotten much worse than I’d thought. I tend to start my trips by 8am and I’d guess most of the real problematic groups start later so perhaps I just don’t see the worst of it. After hearing some horror stories from Jim and the Human Torque Wrench, I withdraw my complaints and hurled insults. Also the story of the water patrol officer getting assaulted last year. Although I’ll still jump off of rocks and stuff when I think I can get away with it and I’m satisfied the river bottom is such that I can do it safely.