Archive for October, 2007

Things to Know

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

The Halloween episode of Cautionary Tales of Swords came out yesterday and it builds into a pretty effective joke, especially if you’ve seen plenty of the old HBO show, Tales from the Crypt.

Best new show this week is definitely Return of Supermans, which takes the basic joke from Superhawk and the Whipmaster to the next level. Well, it’s a little different—making fun of crappy Turkish Knockoff flicks. (If anyone can tell me for certain if they’re doing to the buried alive lady in this one is what I think they’re doing, a tip of the cap to you…)

I bought new shoes yesterday for the first time in probably five years. My faithful Dr. Marten’s finally wore out on me. I’d planned on going to the mall here to get another pair for the $130 or so I’d wisely invested in them lo those many years ago, but my pal told me about a website called Zappos. They were selling my shoes for $94, no sales tax added, and overnight shipping is free—plus if they don’t fit, you can return the shoes within 365 days of getting them with a pre-paid UPS slip. That’s a hell of a deal. I put my order in at 4:43pm yesterday and hoped they’d come tomorrow sometime. They were delivered to the office before noon today, about seventeen hours after I clicked “submit” on the website. That’s impressive. And so are my stylin’, ultra-durable new kicks.

Research is going well. I took most of last week off, but hit the ground running this weekend and am off to the races. I plan to get a shit-ton done over the next week. And will make an effort to post something at least mildly entertaining daily.

Showtime

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

My prelim will be finished up by noon today. I’m a bit anxious.

After: I passed and am now A.B.D.. Now the hard work begins.

The 2-of-6 Rule

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

While up in Chicago, I told Nick about Scott Adams’ 2-of-6 rule—basically a list of six categories of funny that a joke has to have at least two of to work. Great jokes have five or six of them. It turns out that the post in which he presented the rule has been deleted from his very funny Dilbert Blog, since he’s lined up a publisher to print books of his best posts from the last few years and that content won’t be free anymore.

I spent the last ten minutes digging the 2-of-6 post out of the Way Back Machine and saved a copy for myself since that’ll likely be gone once the publisher gets wise.

Before all is lost, a joke must have six of these qualities in order to be funny:

  • Cute (as in kids and animals)
  • Naughty
  • Bizarre
  • Clever
  • Recognizable (You’ve been there)
  • Cruel

Adams points to this Pearls before Swine comic as an example of a joke satisfying four of the criteria: Cute, Bizarre, Clever, and Cruel. And a funny joke it is.

Now it’s back to making my prelim slides. Big day tomorrow.

No Outlet Mini-Review

Friday, October 19th, 2007

I got to see Nick Vatterott‘s one-man show last night and it was freaking brilliant. A polished work of art.

Structurally, it’s similar to a Shepard Scale from psychoacoustics (Listen here for a demonstration) or to M.C. Escher’s Waterfall lithograph in that the act returns to its beginning at the end, tying up loose ends left dangling during the course of the show. (A play on the “No Outlet” theme.)

He managed to crowd the act with a bunch of his stand-up jokes. It’s impossible to remember everything he worked in, but all day I’ve been remembering great bits. Really funny show. He needs to take it somewhere else, as the run at iO ended last night. I’d love for him to bring it down to Champaign and then to St. Louis.

We have it videorecorded—it’ll be edited and produced during off-hours next week. I’ll send Nick a DVD of it and see which bits he wants up on YouTube. My friend who did the video work is an accomplished film school grad. She was suitably impressed with the show that she wants to do a full shoot—two cameras, proper lighting (no offense to Steve), and with a hot crowd miked. That would be outstanding. We’ve got to make it happen. It has to be seen to be understood, and it really should be seen.

I’m very proud of my old friend.

(And check it out, a profile of another old friend…)

Great Week

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

This week has been nothing short of spectacular, eh? On Tuesday, some friends and I were interviewed by the Daily Illini for a story on Alto Vineyards. They didn’t use any of my statements, though, all of them obscene jokes about not wearing pants. That second picture is my hand, pouring a glass full to the brim of Traminette.

And last night, I caved in and bought myself a Nintendo Wii, along with a bunch of games, the best of which is Wario Ware: Smooth Moves. An amazingly fun game.

And tonight, I’ll be seeing Nick’s show.

And I just finished making my D-Fence sign. Not for Saturday’s game vs. Michigan, but for when my colleagues do their public dissertation defenses. I figure it’ll be great for one of us to sit in the back row with that up in the air until we get kicked out. Show some love and support, ya know?

Funniest Story Evar

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

This one’s a keeper. Check it.

Pick a Card, Any Card…

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Here are some statistics for two pitchers over four years heading into free agency:


AGE---BB/9---K/9----HR/9---FIP----G:F----P/IP
25----3.48---5.31---1.49---5.44---1.39---16.5
26----3.05---4.95---1.07---4.83---1.36---16.3
27----2.94---4.72---1.38---5.23---1.30---16.5
28----2.25---4.85---1.38---4.45---1.30---15.7
Ave---2.94---5.31---1.24---4.99---1.34---16.63

25----2.75---7.10---1.34---4.56---1.18---16.0
26----2.66---5.10---1.10---4.63---1.29---15.5
27----3.48---4.73---1.25---5.29---1.61---16.6
28----2.40---5.53---1.29---4.69---1.59---15.8
Ave---2.87---5.54---1.23---4.81---1.39---15.87

These are two very similar pitchers at the same age. The second one is slightly better at all facets of his game over this span—he walks fewer, strikes out more, gives up fewer home runs, keeps the ball on the ground better, and needs fewer pitches to get out of his average inning. These are similar pitchers, with a slight edge in peripherals going to the second pitcher.

That first pitcher is Jeff Suppan from 2000 to 2003, before he signed a three-year contract with the Cardinals. Going into 2004, the Cardinals had missed the playoffs for the first time in three years. The Cubs had won the division and looked poised to be even better in 2004 behind their stud starters, Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. The 2003 season was a bad one for the Cardinals—Jeff Fassero, Sterling Hitchcock, and Jason Simontacchi started 28 games combined for the Cards that year. Prior to joining the Cardinals, Suppan had reeled off four consecutive 200 inning seasons. He became available when the Red Sox non-tendered him following the 2003 season. After three years in St. Louis, much of Redbird Nation made a fuss over ownership’s refusal to resign Suppan to a lucrative contract last offseason. He left for the Brewers, who finished ahead of the Cardinals in the division.

And so once again, we find ourselves out of the playoffs for the first time in three years. The Cubs earned the NL Central championship and look poised to be even better in 2008 with solid, deep pitching and a potent offense. The 2007 Cardinals, meanwhile, started 50 games with Mike Maroth, Kip Wells, and Brad Thompson on the mound.

The second pitcher above is Joel Piñeiro, whom the Cardinals signed today on a two-year contract. The signing has caused considerable consternation at Viva el Birdos—as of time of this writing, having inspired over 300 comments across two separate sidebar posts. The comments range from cautious optimism to HE-IS-TEH-SUCK to run John Mozeliak out of town for making the offer, with the majority in the latter two thirds of that spectrum. The contract is for two years—a $500,000 signing bonus, $5 million in 2008 and $7.5 million in 2009. More than I was hoping for, but not paralyzing.

Soup and Piñeiro is not a perfect comparison. As mentioned, Soup was coming off four 200 inning seasons; Joel’s demonstrated durability during his career, but has only thrown over 200 once, back in 2003. Some might suggest that Joel’s strikeout rates versus Suppan were pumped up by his time in the bullpen. This was true in 2006. After Piñeiro struggled to a 4.27 K/9 in the Seattle rotation that year, he was demoted to the bullpen, where he started striking out batters at a 7.40 rate for the remaining 24 1/3 innings. However, in 2007, his strikeout rate increased from 5.29 in Boston’s bullpen to 5.65 in the Cardinal rotation and he was a starter the other years. His strikeout ability is undeniably superior to Soup’s.

Jeff Suppan is making $8 million in 2008, when Joel will earn $5 million; in 2009, the Brewers owe Soup $12.5 million when Piñeiro will be owed five million less. If they can put up comparable production—and I see no reason that Joel can’t do at least as well—we’ll have a nice contract on hand. I wasn’t in favor of signing Piñeiro before last season since I didn’t like the way his numbers were trending. He’s shown signs of turning those trends back around this year and gave us Suppan-quality outings since coming over. The Cardnilly rule of thumb for a Suppan game is that if he gives you six innings with fewer than three runs scored, he’s done his job—got the game to the bullpen with the opposing offense under control. Over Joel’s eleven starts, he averaged 5.79 IP while allowing 2.91 runs to score. I’m betting he can do better next year with an offseason to settle into his role and spring training to work with Duncan, and am very confident he can consistently meet or beat that Cardnilly standard.

And if both Boggs and Garcia are ready to pitch at the MLB level in 2009, Piñiero may make a nice trading chip. The way salary inflation for starting pitchers is going, $7.5 million for an established LAIM should be an acceptable price—if decent talent is coming back in a trade, I could see the Cards paying some of the salary if he doesn’t work out as well as the front office expects.

Like I said this afternoon—nothing worth throwing a hissy-fit about. It’s a risk, but not a terrible one. Our rotation was missing a steady innings-eater in 2007 and gambling that Joel can fill that role is hardly a fool’s wager.

Peripherally related, but it looks like Chris Narveson is no longer in the organization—no longer listed on the Memphis roster and not on the 40-man.

One more: Dug out my 2006 Baseball Prospectus and found that Piñeiro had an elbow injury in 2004 that cost him the last two months of the year. After that, his velocity had dropped and his strikeout rate along with it. His velocity is back up this year, with his fastball averaging 91.53 mph. He’ll look like a real steal if his K/9 climbs as well. Best not to get unrealistically optimistic. (That velocity would give him the second hardest fastball in the rotation… after Todd Wellemeyer. (Wagonmaker’s heater sits a fraction below 91.) [Oops! Forgot Kip Wells, who's fastball averaged 92.29.]

5-2

Monday, October 15th, 2007

Had my written prelim exam on Thursday and ended up pulling an all-nighter working on it. By the time I was done writing, I was too tired and loopy to tell whether I was making sense anymore. Foolish me. I did write basically a 15-page research paper overnight, though. Whether any of it makes sense isn’t for me to say at this point. I’ve got a little over a week to put together my presentation for the oral component of the prelim, then I’m off to the races, assuming I’m not screwing this up.

Saturday I woke up long enough to watch the Illini lose to Iowa. We should have won that game, but it’s not so upsetting that we didn’t. Kind of a pisser to be the bookends of Iowa’s 8-game Big Ten losing streak, though. I feel bad for Eddie McGee. He showed poise after his 83-yard TD pass was called back and I was certain that he’d get the ball in the end zone before the clock ran out. Thought he was managing the game well until that incredibly bad pass to the Iowa linebacker. It would have been a great win to march down the field and put the game away at the end. Wasn’t to be.

Mendenhall needs to get the ball more often, to hell with the option if it’s not working, which it clearly wasn’t the entire first half. I completely agree with Mark Tupper that it’d be great to see the line hold a pocket open and put these talented receivers to better use. The most frustrating thing was that McGee had great protection on the fatal interception play—plenty of time to let the receivers get into their routes and see where the defense left men underprotected. It’s a young offense, but still a pretty good one, even if they only managed to put up six points this weekend.

In basketball news, Bruce Weber and his assistants received three major verbal commitments for the class of 2009 last week. That’s exciting news and I’m hearing good things about the team from my neighbor who goes to watch some of the players work out on their own time. Basketball Prospectus has officially launched—a link is added to the sidebar. Their introductory motivation for their tempo-neutralized statistics is presented here. I’m excited to see what those two very bright fellows have to offer this winter. They’ve definitely enhanced my appreciation for college basketball over the last several years.

In hockey news, the Illini team remains undefeated with a sweep of Penn State over the weekend. The Blues are outscoring their opponents 15-8 through four games with a 3-1 record. Erik Johnson’s already made a big impression on the blue line. I’m a little disappointed that Jeff Woywitka didn’t make the team. I saw him play in a pre-season game in the 2005-06 season and liked what he was doing on the ice.

I’ll Get You When the Puck’s Dropped

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

My last name is Moran. I took a bunch of crap about it when I was wee. Fortunately, I played hockey, so most of the strangers who had the opportunity to mock my last name that I encountered were heavily armored on a sheet of ice that I was better at maneuvering on than they. Make fun all you want, Sally, you’ll get the puck on your stick eventually and you’ll get popped.

See, ‘cuz it looks like Moron when you mental midgets read it.

I had a meeting with a new Swahili instructor tonight who’s pleasantly enthusiastic about getting good teaching materials provided to his students. This meeting was encouraging enough for me, since it’s always a great thing when someone takes the initiative to talk to me about providing new listening materials for students, since it’s my job to make them.

At the end of the meeting, though, we talked about setting up a new meeting and so I gave him my contact information. When he saw my last name, he was impressed… Asked me if some of my other North Central African friends had told me what the word means…

Moran is the Masai term for something analogous to “Real Man.” After passing through the coming of age ritual, you become a “moran,” a real man—one who is equipped to marry and start a family. I’m not a sociolinguist, but from this conversation, it sounds like moran is something you casually call someone you like and respect, akin to “hoss” or “bro” in my speech.

The Masai are our friends.

Throw-Away Post

Monday, October 8th, 2007

Jon Gasaway briefly reared his head—Punxsutawney-Phil-style—to announce the fast-coming College Basketball season that will see us through to Spring Training. (College and pro hockey’s great, too! Irritated I didn’t sign up to play rec hockey this winter.) It’s a funny post. That player’s stayed in excellent shape to be able to hang with the youngsters at his age.

Basketball Prospectus, the content of which will be provided by Ken Pomeroy and Gasaway, has an ACC preview posted although it looks like they’re working out some bugs with escaping characters at this time.

The News-Gazette ran a very inspiring story about the Illini’s top defender and offensive sparkplug, Chester Frazier.

ILL-INI

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

This is one heck of a game.

The defensive line and linebackers have done a good job containing the run offense and these defensive backs are doing a good job disrupting the Wisconsin passing game, with Vontae Davis just picking off a deep pass.

Hopefully Benn’s shoulder isn’t hurt to badly. Looks like he got his arm yanked. He didn’t look to be in enough pain for it to be a dislocation.

Rashard Mendenhall is beastly.

The crowd’s into it—I can hear them well from my front yard.

Got to score on this drive and extend the lead to two scores.

Crap, Juice just went down hurt. Landed hard on his hip, it looks like. The trainers popped him up, he shook it out. He’s OK. He’s having a great game, both rushing and passing.

*****

5:28 remaining: Eddie McGee scampers in for a touchdown, PAT gives the Illini a 12 point advantage.

5:16 remaining: On the kickoff, the ball came loose. Looks like a fumble on the replay. Zook can’t throw the flag on this one, though. That would have been devastating for Wisconsin. They’ve had two big calls go their way in this game now. Illinois is back in a big way. Wish I had the Big Ten Network. They’re playing the NW-MSU game that’s knotted at 41 aside. That game’s a shootout.

1:31 remaining: Ayeeyah! 90 seconds to go and the Badgers scored a touchdown after a long drive. Down by five after they make the PAT. Illinois special teams killed us last year. We need them to come up big here. Wisconsin will probably onside kick. If the Illini recover, the game may be over. Wisconsin has all their timeouts left.

Excellent! Wideout/centerfielder Kyle Hudson makes an easy catch of the onside kick and immediately lays down on the field, protecting the ball. Rashard Mendenhall needs to get more than 3 yards per carry for the next three downs. So far, so good. He almost picked up four on the first play of the possession.

3rd and 5, 1:15 remaining: Mendenhall needs to run. McGee should try a trick cadence to see if we can draw a Wisconsin foul. … Instead, a McGee bootleg route. Fourth and 1, and you have to give the ball to Rashard.

Wow. A botched snap on a QB sneak. The line surged deep enough for someone to fall on the ball for first down yardage. Amazing. The Illini just knocked off the #5 team in the country, breaking their 14-game win streak, and need one more win for bowl eligibility. Great game. Congratulations to the team.

No Outlet

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

I haven’t been up to see Nick Vatterott in over a year. We’d had plans to go to a Cards game at Wrigley this year that fell through. I google his name and find that he’s got a well-received one-man show going on Thursday nights called No Outlet, ending two weeks from now. Next Thursday, I’ve got my written Preliminary exam to tackle and I’m also hosting two grad students from the University of Iowa for the SLRF conference starting that night.

But nothing’s going to stop me from being there for the last show on the 18th. I’ll talk to him and see if he wants me to bring some equipment up to make a professional recording of it.

I’m excited.

Wow.

Friday, October 5th, 2007

The guys at Bet US are setting a 2.5 spread in favor of Illinois for tomorrow’s game between the Illini and the fifth best team in the country, the Wisconsin Badgers.

If J. Leman can plug holes in the D-line and Juice, Benn, and Horton can spread out the Badger defense, we’ll beat that spread easy.

The band was out firing up the student body on the South quad a few minutes ago. All I could think of was this

I’d forgotten all about this sketch, so a good thing.

What’s in Store

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

Thought I’d come up with some songs to sing ahead of time for Wednesday, when I’ll get to celebrate a really long four days. I was at the office until 2:30 last night, losing my temper at a room full of uncooperative equipment. Three hours of sleep, and I was heading back out the door. Fortunately, my recording session today went shorter than expected and I got to leave at 6:15pm.

So anyways, here’s what I’ve got in mind:

Sara — Jefferson Starship: Ridiculous song. Was used to good comedic effect in Groove Fighters (which wasn’t as funny as AssassinZ that did a whole lot right.)

La Bamba — Los Lobos: Guaranteed to get laughs. There’s a bunch of extra syllables tossed in there that’ll make it difficult to keep up with the lyrics.

It’s Not Unusual — Tom Jones: Easy, easy laughs. Watching that video, I figured out why women are so attracted to Tom Jones. Any guy who can perform that manual percussion routine while acting like it’s not an asinine thing to do would have no trouble holding a woman’s purse while she tries on an armload of clothes at a department store. Face it, ladies—I can practically read your minds at this point. If I do any dancing though, it’ll be more in this style. See? I know what women want.

Final Countdown — Europe: Short and sweet. Probably a waste of time, though, considering how little singing there is, and how uninteresting that little bit is.

Maybe I’ll bring back a few songs that I’ve had fun with once before, Everybody Wants to Rule the World — Tears for Fears or Arthur’s Theme — Christopher Cross.

I know how engrossing this material is. If you know any really, really stupid songs, leave me a comment.