Archive for May, 2007

Very Pleased

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

The Cardinals, behind Todd Wellemeyer making his first major league start, unloaded on the Rockies tonight to win 8-4. Pujols and Edmonds went back-to-back in the fifth, the first time the Cardinals have gone deep two batters in a row this season. It was a fun game to watch. Most importantly, every NL Central team (aside from the Reds, who beat Houston) lost tonight, so we actually managed to improve in the standings. Believe it or not, but if the Cubs lose tomorrow and the Cardinals win the Wonderbrad v. Aaron Cook matchup, we’ll be in third place behind the Brew Crew and the Pirates. And only 0.2% behind the Pirates in winning percentage. It’ll be a big game—I hope to be able to listen to it.

Tommy Pham and Wilmer Alvaredo made their debuts with the Swing of the Quad Cities today after being promoted from extended spring training yesterday. Pham went 1-5 and Alvaredo was 2-4 with a double. Sadly, Pham played centerfield—it appears that his career as a shortstop is over.

I had the crowd laughing pretty good with a rendition of George Michael’s I Want Your Sex at Karaoke tonight. You wish you were so ballsy. Admit it.

Dan Szymborski’s updated ZiPS projections were made available on Monday.

Rain Delay

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

The Cards and gNats are in a rain delay right now. While waiting for the rain to clear and the grounds crew to put the field back into shape, I recommend staring at this bizarre page for several hours. Sassy pantaloons!

I’m behind this plan. The “park” in question is a small, empty corner lot with two benches in it. It’s tree covered and there’s no lighting. You drive by at night and see punk ne’er-do-wells sitting around in there. I imagine it’s got to be infuriating for the folks who live around that park, who’ve put a lot of work into their homes over the past two years and made them look very nice. It was truly infuriating for this guy, who yelled at one of the rascals after witnessing him dealing drugs in the lot. As you can read in the story, he ended up being shot in the leg. Ridiculous. At the very least, the park ought to close at dusk and anyone found in there at night can be called in for trespassing. Damned kids.

If this rain delay goes very long, you can teach yourself the language of Jabba the Hutt so as to make better Ronnie Belliard jokes, who hit a two-run homer before the delay to give the gNats a 2-0 lead in today’s game.

Disoriented

Friday, May 25th, 2007

I worked a half-day on Wednesday and took yesterday off so I could drive down to St. Louis for two games against the Pirates. Naturally, we won both—Kip Wells ended his seven-game losing streak and Braden Looper kept runs from scoring with a weak-peripheral performance.

Unfortunately, I was a few minutes late for Looper’s start, so I didn’t get the very sharp-lookin’ t-shirt they were giving away for free. That and four hours of sleep only marginally detracted from my enjoyment of a very good game. I sat in the Casino Queen party porch, which is a shaded section in left field with a good view of the whole playing surface aside from the blind spot in left field. Fortunately, the section is equipped with a crapload of televisions carrying the live television feed. I liked it—you can watch the delivery to the plate, flick your eyes up at the last second to see where the pitch crossed the plate, and back down to see the ball’s travel or lack thereof. Also, there’s a bar behind you that serves booze past last call and after the game. I wasn’t in shape to enjoy that so much, although I’ve got tickets for a game in that section for the Atlanta series in August when I most definitely will partake.

Something that I’d missed, but a week ago, Eli Marrero made his first appearance with Memphis. He went 2-4 but allowed five stolen bases in as many attempts. (Boxscore, Marrero page) It sounds like his throwing shoulder which had landed him on the DL is in need of strengthening. With Ludwick struggling at the big league level and P-Dub’s knee still swollen, it would be very nice to see Eli get himself back into shape quickly and join the team as a third catcher/fifth outfielder.

I’ll end with this Deep Thought.

Show-Biz!

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

C’mon, how about a nice, big smile! Do it for your fans!

Some of the best hand-farting set to music since Weird Al’s Another One Rides the Bus.

Stinkin’ Nanny-State

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

The suburbanization of Missouri continues, as the Parks Department will be cracking down on the “party atmosphere” on Missouri’s beautiful rivers:

On too many summer Saturdays, Missouri’s glistening, gravel-bottomed streams favored by canoeists, rafters and kayakers have been surrendered to partyers intent on making them aquatic versions of Bourbon Street. But those party animals will be playing by a new set of rules this year on the rivers under federal jurisdiction.

In all honesty, there are too many dipshits on the rivers—but there are too many everywhere. They’re banning jello shots and limiting cooler sizes. The jello-shots I assume they’re banning because the dipshits throw the emptied plastic cups into the river. My crew goes to great (and comical) lengths to retrieve any of our cups that falls overboard. Worst of all, they’re banning jumping off cliffs, which is crazy fun. It’s another familiar case of dumbasses ruining the good times for all of us. The justification for the ban on jumping off cliffs disgusts me:

Cliff diving and rope swings are banned in the park for the first time this year. “It’s extremely hazardous, plus nobody wants to dive off a cliff when there’s nobody there watching,” Poe said. “It just attracts a party atmosphere. Then somebody shows up with a stereo system playing loud music, and things just go downhill.”

Give me a fucking break.

I’ll be on the Current River in a coupla weeks—floating twice, on a largely untraveled section of the river the first day and the typical stretch the other day. Our plan was to take it easy the first day and party hard the second day, but that might have to be revisited if the nanny state will be in force on the main stretch of river.

Where is all this social over-regulation coming from? Who are these gutless sissies so intolerant of witnessing other people having a good time that they demand this sort of governmental intervention?

Amendment: It looks like I was over-harsh on the Parks people in Missouri in this here post and that things have gotten much worse than I’d thought. I tend to start my trips by 8am and I’d guess most of the real problematic groups start later so perhaps I just don’t see the worst of it. After hearing some horror stories from Jim and the Human Torque Wrench, I withdraw my complaints and hurled insults. Also the story of the water patrol officer getting assaulted last year. Although I’ll still jump off of rocks and stuff when I think I can get away with it and I’m satisfied the river bottom is such that I can do it safely.

Notes

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

Brian Lawrence, my preseason pick for comeback player of the year, had his first start since joining the Mets’ AAA affiliate and it was a beaut. Seven innings, four hits, one run, one walk, and seven strikeouts. His offense didn’t score any runs though and he was saddled with the loss. Glad to see some signs of life after he’d been plagued by the long ball with Colorado during ST and in a minor league rehab. You’ve got to hand it to the Mets, they’ve been smart about picking up pitchers who had success before and surely ought to have success again. I’m looking at you, Oliver Perez.

Skip Schumaker hit his first home run of the season last night.

This is just unbelievable.

Criminals aren’t very smart.

Former Cardinal farmhand Carmen Cali was called up today by the Twins. He hasn’t been striking anyone out in AAA—of most concern is that he’s failed to K any of the 14 left-handers he’s faced this season.

Added later: This is really funny—Hippies smell.

Funny or Die, II

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

It’s ridiculous how much time I’ve wasted watching the videos at Funny or Die.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Matthew McConaughey Can’t Get His Shirt Off: A really simple joke done effectively because of a very good impression.

Rollin’ with Saget: A rap video featuring Bob Saget, with a George Lucas cameo. I wonder if he was inserted digitally. That sounds really, really filthy.

Laundry Room Girl: An unexpected joke that lands for a double due to a pretty, half-naked woman.

David Blaine – Street Magic 2: A brilliant joke with some fairly complicated gags. I can’t explain why I think it’s so funny when the impersonator mugs for the camera.

The Iceman – Top Gun Motors: I have no idea how they pulled off this joke, but it’s executed superbly.

A Tasty Glass

Monday, May 21st, 2007

Here’s a photograph of me considering a glass of Traminette at Alto Vineyards in Champaign.

The Traminette grape was bred by a researcher here at the University of Illinois and makes a most pleasing summer wine.

Go ahead—yuk it up. I’m wearing a pink wristband. I turned it inside-out later on.

Who should be the half-man?

Friday, May 18th, 2007

Interleague play begins for the Cardinals tonight as we reunite with the Tigers, an AL Central powerhouse that we unexpectedly disassembled in the 2006 World Series. Braden Looper, unexpected ace of the staff, takes the mound attempting to get us off to a good start in the series.

Since the game is played on an AL field, the Braden Looper will be a half-man and another player will also be a half-man, batting for him as the designated hitter. In the World Series, Scott Spiezio stood in as DH in one game and Chris Duncan batted for the pitcher in the other away game. Seeing as young Dunc’s outfield play has improved significantly this season, it’s unlikely he’ll be demoted to half-man status, especially with the off-day yesterday to rest up his crazy-divin’ bones, so the DH will probably be a bench player.

Tonight, we face Andrew Miller, a LH rookie promoted a few days ago from AA. An outfield of Duncan-Taguchi-Encarnacion wouldn’t surprise me with either Ludwick or Speizio batting for the pitcher.

Tomorrow it’s Nate Robertson, who’s been faced by four Cardinals in regular season play. Ludwick is 2-7 off him, both singles; P-Dub, on the DL, is 5-5 with 2 home runs. Spiezio hasn’t faced him.

Thompson gets the call against a nasty Justin Verlander on Sunday. Based on the way Verlander’s pitched his last few starts, you might as well let Wonderbrad bat for himself.

I’d like to see interleague play changed around so that away team rules are enforced, as other people have suggested at times (I’m not sure who originated the idea, or I’d give credit, since it’s a good one.) The idea is that under the current system, at NL games, the fans don’t get to see the *spit* DH stars on the other team—like the Mariners’ Jose Vidro. And AL fans never get a chance to see what it’s like to watch a real baseball game, without a fifth of the starters only playing like half a ballplayer. It’d be better if we played AL rules in NL parks and NL rules in AL parks.

After the game: Looks like my tongue-in-cheek teasing came back to bite me. The Tigers gave us a profound thumping last night. Painful.

Summer of Fun

Thursday, May 17th, 2007

The Spring 2007 semester is in the can and was a major success for me. I (finally) found a dissertation topic and am well on my way to being ready to perform my Prelims at the end of the summer. I didn’t sleep much towards the end of the semester but have made up for it in the past few days.

This past weekend, I attended the wedding of two of my closest friends at Tower Grove Park in St. Louis. Being a chuckle-head, I forgot to bring my camera or I’d post some pictures from the day-long celebration. The weekend previous, I’d been in the Lou for the bachelor party and I’ll be back there for a few ballgames coming up soon. Later this month, I’ll take my annual camping/float trip to the Current River and next month the annual trip to Rehoboth Beach, DE. It’s a damned good life! So far, the summer’s off to a great start and I’ve managed to keep my nose in the books, continuing work towards finishing school.

We had some good news on the ASF front the other day as the newly elected Champaign City Council reversed the smoking ban. Wednesday’s Cardinals game was blacked-out on cable television in C-U—I’m told that Insight didn’t want to pay for the additional 19 games that’ve been added to FSMW’s schedule and so this’ll happen another 18 times throughout the season—and this required me to head to a satellite-equipped tavern, where I heard of the City Council’s vote. At midnight, the ashtrays were brought out of storage and there was much rejoicing.

The new color analyst was chosen for Illini Football games starting next season: Howard Griffith. Kurt Kittner was the candidate I thought I knew best, since he was the quarterback when I first attended the University of Illinois (a shamefully long time ago). Griffith was the fullback for some of the truly great Broncos teams of the late nineties, though. I’ll look forward to hearing his commentary for the games I don’t attend in person.

As for Cardinals baseball… I can’t get upset about our failure to make up ground over the past week when the Cubs and Brewers have been struggling. The team’s playing better and scoring a reasonable amount of runs the past few games. They’re coming around. I lost my temper a little bit when Wells gave up the 3-run shot to Betemit on a changeup that sat cock-high as it briefly entered the strikezone. There’s no reason for a guy with three good fastball to mess around with that pitch against that hitter and the occasional badly thrown wrong pitch like that is the reason Wells is having such a shitty season.

Funny or Die

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

This Zombie-American short is a good laugh. Plenty of other good stuff there.

Waste some time.

Nobody’s looking.

Update: Two more episodes were made to complete the trilogy. The surprise ending actually works.

Episode 2

Episode 3

Minorly Disappointing

Wednesday, May 9th, 2007

I was just checking in on some of the minor leaguers I was looking at in the offseason and was a little bit saddened to see that Eric Rodland has retired from baseball. That’s too bad, he had a real nice season last year. He walked more than he struck out, batted well, and was developing some decent pop. I guess he and his wife decided they’d rather settle down somewhere permanent.

Callix Crabbe has carried over his skillset to AAA—continuing to get on base and steal a few. Looks like he’s having trouble seeing the ball batting lefty. RHP are striking him out way above his career rate.

Brooks Conrad is swinging a mighty bat for a second baseman for the Astros’ AAA affiliate. More than half his hits are for extra bases, including seven home runs in 122 AB. It’d be nice to get that kind of production from the second baseman in the Cardinals lineup. It’s got to suck to spend your peak season stuck in AAA so that Craig Biggio can complete his crawl to 3,000 hits.

I finished one fairly complicated paper this morning. I have until 2:30pm tomorrow to finish a short, much simpler writeup and to finish taking notes on a notoriously difficult paper. Then the Spring 2007 semester will be in the can.

Very Funny

Monday, May 7th, 2007

I thought this joke was very funny.

Completely unrelated, but I remember this incident being a whole lot more gruesome. I was eleven or so at the time and didn’t watch much television, but I was watching that game and my eyes must have been the size of dinner plates.

Finals Week

Saturday, May 5th, 2007

Lack of frequent posting to continue for a few more days while I finish up the semester.

Displeasing

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007

Rod Blagojevich is enthusiastic about signing a piece of legislation to make Illinois less free. Surprise, surprise. The real surprise is that bill passing the house. That shocked me when I heard it last night.

The news that Champaign hopes to reverse their ban in May is much more welcome news.

Looks like I’ll have to hurry up and finish school so I can move somewhere decent before there aren’t any decent places left.

It irritates me to no end that people are so eager and expectant for government to solve their problems by stepping in and telling businesses what kind of customers they can cater to—in this case, just to rid these gripers of the petty inconvenience of having to change their clothes after a night of drinking.

Update: The worst thing about this is the no smoking within 15 feet of an entrance clause. Depending on how you define entrances, that could really piss off the folks at Tumble Inn, who just spent a large amount of money building an outdoor smoking area. Who’s going to enforce this in any case? The state health department?

Leading Off for the St. Louis Cardinals…

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

Skip Schumaker will be the leadoff hitter in tonight’s game. I was hoping that’d happen after he’s made strong showings in the last two starts he was given—both last-minute lineup changes—once for Duncan after he bonked his coconut and last night for Spiezio. In those two games, he’s gone 6-9. Keep it up tonight, kid, and spark this offense.

He’s been the leadoff batter in Memphis for the past two seasons.

While waiting for the game to start, shitty ’90s crap:

Color Me Badd’s I Want to Sex You Up [Late update after a depressing day: I'd like to call your attention to the dance moves that take place from 2:25 until 2:28 in that clip. Pure asininity. Whoever wrote those lyrics and choreographed that thing had yet to gain carnal knowledge with a woman. Take that right downtown... And print it.]

Snow’s Informer

Kriss Kross’s Jump

Milli Vanilli’s Blame It On the Rain

And also a really awesome (representatively so) clip from Cool as Ice.

Kerry’s got some useful kitchen implements you might want to look at, too.

Finally, this game is a lot of fun and takes just a couple of minutes to solve.